For Sex Addicts
Bethesda Workshops
Understanding Sex Addiction
Today, addiction is widely recognized and better understood. Treatment centers are common, and support groups are mainstream. Admitting to alcohol or drug struggles is often met with support and even respect. But saying, “I might be a sex addict” is still something else entirely.
Porn’s widespread presence has made that struggle slightly more relatable. It’s everywhere—and powerful. Churches are beginning to confront the issue, with more offering accountability groups and plenty of Christian resources now available.
Yet those who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior usually feel overwhelming shame, especially as Christians. Unfortunately, the shame of sexual addiction fuels further acting out. It’s a secret sin, where strugglers are afraid to admit the problem. Those of us who are Christians have tried harder, and we’ve begged God to deliver us from this problem. When we fail, there are spiritual, emotional, physical and relational damages. The shame escalates and is debilitating. It is often powerful enough to keep sex addicts from asking for help.
The good news is that no one, including sex addicts, are beyond God’s grace. A solution exists to the problem of sexual addiction, and healing is possible.
For Men
Compulsive sexual behavior is a broad label that includes a range of behaviors, like compulsive porn use, serial affairs and strip clubs. It’s not just about sex. At its core, it’s about trying to meet real needs—like love, affirmation, and connection—with false solutions.
For years, the focus on sex addiction has been mostly male-centered, but even then, many men stayed silent out of guilt or fear. Culture often sanctions sexual behavior in men while shaming emotional vulnerability, leaving guys trapped in a cycle of secrecy and self-condemnation.
Whether the pattern is porn, hookups, or using sex to deal with overwhelming emotions, the root issue is the same: trying to fill a deeper void. More and more men are struggling with online behaviors—porn, chat rooms, cybersex, etc.
The good news? Healing is absolutely possible. You can break the cycle, find freedom from shame, and rebuild your relationships—with others, with God, and with yourself.
For Women
Yes, women grapple with compulsive sexual behavior as well, though even the term itself can feel burdensome or unsettling. Love addiction—distinct from sex addiction—is another profound struggle many women face. Often, sex addiction is not truly about sex; rather, it reflects an attempt to soothe deep emotional needs—such as the longing for love, acceptance, and affirmation—through means that ultimately leave those needs unmet.
For a long time, sex addiction was seen as a “men’s issue,” and women were overlooked. But the reality is different: about a third of visitors to adult sites are women, and experts estimate that 30-40% of those struggling with sexual addiction are female. Even so, resources and support tailored for women have been slow to develop.
Many women carry a unique and heavy shame around this struggle. Cultural expectations often place harsher judgments on them, leading many to suffer in silence, believing they are alone in their experience.
For some women, sex addiction shows up as repeated affairs. Others may be caught in a cycle of pornography use, masturbation, or sexually explicit online interactions—often seeking connection in digital spaces that ultimately leave them feeling emptier.
In 1997, Woodmont Hills Church in Nashville hosted the first workshop focused on female sexual addiction, founded by Marnie Ferree, who sought to "comfort others as I have been comforted" (2 Corinthians 1:4) after finding healing herself. Now part of Bethesda Workshops, the Healing for Women program addresses the unique needs of women struggling with sex and relationship addictions.
Recovery is possible. You can break the cycle. You can heal from shame, reclaim your worth, and build a life rooted in real connection—with others, with yourself, and with God.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just start with one honest step. Ask for help. You’re not alone.
First Steps For Sex Addicts
If you’re beginning to realize you have a problem with sexual addiction (or are heading down that road) or you’re already certain you need help, here are some first steps you can take.
Talk to someone about your problem.
According to a slogan from the Twelve Steps, we’re as sick as our secrets. Locate a trusted friend or therapist, share about your struggle and ask for help. It’s not enough just to confess your sin to God. Simply being honest with someone helps relieve the shame and start a healing process.
Learn more about the problem and the solution.
Reading is a good starting place. For specifically Christian resources, if you’re male, get Unwanted by Jay Stringer; if you’re female, get No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction by Marnie Ferree. Other great books are anything by Patrick Carnes, including Out of the Shadows, Don’t Call It Love, and the workbook Facing the Shadow. Check out the Resources section for an extensive list of suggested reading.
Set behavior boundaries.
Make any changes you can think of to curb your acting out behaviors. Put your computer in a public place and install an Internet filter. Block contact with an affair partner. Don’t carry cash to spend at a strip club. Change your cell phone number or email address. Most people find it hard, if not impossible, to maintain strict boundaries early in recovery. Don’t give up if you can’t do these kinds of things by yourself. Using the other tools of recovery will help you succeed here.
Attend a Twelve Step or support group.
No one can recover alone or with the help of just one other person. Being part of a community is key – and not just any community. At least several people in your support system need to be successfully abstaining from inappropriate sexual activity. Find a 12 Step group like Sexaholics Anonymous or Sex Addicts Anonymous or a faith-based program like Pure Desire or Celebrate Recovery. Attend regularly. Several times a week is best.
Find a counselor who understands sex addiction.
Many counselors (including Christian ones) aren’t trained in treating sex addiction, and they can unintentionally do more harm than good. Find a counselor who understands addiction and its root causes. The best place to locate a clinician is through the website of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Visit www.sexhelp.com for a searchable database.
Decide to postpone any major decisions.
Agree to defer important decisions like getting a divorce or running off with an affair partner. Until you’ve been sober for several months (and preferably at least a year), you aren’t thinking clearly.
Consider coming to a Healing Workshop.
It may feel like a big step, but a Bethesda Workshop provides a HUGE jumpstart into recovery. It quickly gets you way down the road to healing. The Healing Workshops section has complete information.
Recommended Workshops
Healing For Men
For men who personally struggle with pornography and other forms of sex or relationship addiction
Healing for Women
For women who personally struggle with pornography and other forms of sex or relationship addiction
Healing for Teens & Their Parents
For teens ages 15-19 struggling with problematic sexual or relational behavior
Self-Test
If you’re concerned about your sexual or relational behavior, ask yourself these questions that comprise the simple PATHOS screening test (adapted) developed by Dr. Patrick Carnes:
- Preoccupied: Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or relationship behavior?
- Ashamed: Do you hide some of your sexual or relational behavior from others?
- Treatment: Have you ever sought help for sexual or relational behavior that was problematic for you?
- Hurt others: Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual or relational behavior?
- Out of control: Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or your relational behavior?
- Sad: When you have sex or engage in certain relational behavior, do you feel depressed afterwards?
If you answer “yes” to more than two questions, experts highly recommend you talk with a trained therapist to explore your answers. Bethesda Workshops suggests that any “yes” answer is problematic and deserves further exploration.
Another helpful resource is the Sexual Addiction Screen Test (SAST), a longer questionnaire developed by Dr. Carnes and provided by the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP), specifically through the Recovery Zone materials. It’s a 52-item yes/no screening that provides confidential results and interpretation of your answers.
Bethesda Workshops has no way of knowing which website visitors click to take the SAST and receives no information about your results.
Sexual Addiction FAQs
We offer workshops for all your personal needs.
Reading your Bible, praying, and increasing your faith are all important parts of your spiritual walk. But simply being a Christian doesn’t exempt you from having an addiction any more than it might spare you from having diabetes.
Sexual addiction is a many-faceted problem which demands a multi-approach solution. Addiction is a physical, mental, and emotional disease as well as a spiritual problem. All four areas must be addressed. Would you treat your diabetes by simply praying more?
Your sexual secrets are understandably embarrassing and shameful. They also are having a tremendous impact on your marriage, even if you believe your spouse doesn’t know. This secret sin will handicap your relationship. You can never have true intimacy and commitment unless it’s built on honesty.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you should immediately confess your sexual behavior to your spouse. In fact, that approach isn’t a good plan! Consultation with a professional and with other recovering addicts is strongly recommended. Be sure there are resources in place to help your spouse before you disclose. Bethesda Workshops covers disclosure in every individual intensive. You can also access our two-part podcast on disclosure.
Sharing your story with your children is also a difficult step. Professionals in the field generally agree that children, both minors and adults, have a need to know (to varying degrees) about a parent’s addiction. You should consider your children’s ages, maturity, and personality when discussing sensitive information.
The primary thing to consider is your motive for telling your children: Is it to promote honesty and healing within the family, or is to relieve your guilt or manipulate the children into comforting you? Again, consultation with an addiction professional is helpful.
You don’t have to explain in detail where you’re going or what you’ll be working on. You can share that you’re attending a Christian workshop that’s designed to bring you closer to God and to guide you toward being the person God has called you to be. Another general statement is to say the workshop will look at a variety of childhood issues and how they might be impacting your life and relationships in the present. It’s healthy to have boundaries! That’s one of the things we’ll discuss at the workshop.
The type of acting out doesn’t determine whether or not someone is sexually addicted, and it doesn’t necessarily mean someone is gay or lesbian. It’s not unusual for heterosexual men to act out with other men, and heterosexual female sex addicts sometimes become involved with other women. Gay or lesbian individuals obviously act out with their same gender. Same sex or opposite sex activity isn’t the issue in terms of addiction, and Bethesda Workshops treats all acting out the same. (For some people, concerns about sexual orientation might be something to explore after establishing sobriety from all forms of acting out.) Almost every workshop is attended by individuals who act out with their same gender, and other participants are welcoming and unfazed.