We recently finished a project we’ve been working on for some time called the Pastors Toolkit. It was created as a simple guide for those moments when someone entrusts a pastor with a hidden sexual struggle. Most pastors are already carrying a heavy spiritual and emotional load as they shepherd their congregations. We wanted to place something in their hands that might support them in those conversations.
In the process, my attention was drawn to those first few minutes when something hidden is finally spoken aloud. We often consider vulnerability from the side of the one who shares, but less from the one who is entrusted with it.
I remember in seminary, during a retreat, we practiced washing one another’s feet. I expected the humility to be in the act of washing. What surprised me was how much more exposed it felt to be the one receiving. To let someone come that close activated something deeper than I had anticipated.
It seems to me that receiving another’s vulnerability evokes a similar response. It can be unsettling. There is often discomfort in being entrusted with something fragile. And often, without realizing it, we move too quickly to steady ourselves by trying to fix, resolve, or say something that will ease the tension.
But in doing so, the moment becomes about our need for relief rather than attending to the story being shared with us. And yet, if we can stay present just for a moment longer, there is something sacred in simply receiving. Often, those first five minutes form the foundation on which everything else will stand.
Mike Vaughn
Executive Director |
