How Adversity Strengthens Us

I have spent my professional life studying how we change. That may seem like an odd thing to study but it is fascinating to me how we grow. I am curious about it for myself, my loved ones, and my clients.

I have three children and the youngest of them is physically growing fast. Having been an observer of this process with three kids now, it is still amazing to watch. The thing that is crazy is that while I cannot see her growing day to day, she is. It only takes some time away from her to make this very evident.

In the same way, we grow spiritually and emotionally, oftentimes in imperceptible ways. We go about our day as if nothing is happening at a deeper level, but it is. This is true of our relationships as well. In the harshness of winter, renewal, and rejuvenation is happening below the landscape. Snow insulates hibernating animals and allows them to survive. It also nourishes plants as it melts.

Winter illustrates a paradox about change in that as we go through difficult seasons, it may seem like we are stuck or dormant, but those can be fertile times for growth. The reason for this is that hardship raises our desire to change. It exposes our foundations. The increased focus that comes with adversity serves to nourish our growth needs. While the difficulty that addiction recovery places on our relationships is significant, it is frequently the catalyst for deeper intimacy. I have had many clients tell me that working couples’ recovery has truly strengthened them. The momentum that began with surviving the trauma of discovery/disclosure continues forward and prompts continued change. These newfound changes even include old patterns that needed to change.

Just as the spring flower is preparing to sprout through the last remnants of winter snow, our souls are strengthened in the adversity of our lives. In all the seasons of our lives, God is at work. That is just as true of our “winter” seasons as it is of the others!