The Silent Cost of Secrecy: Rebuilding Trust in Relationships

In a recent two-part series of the Recovery in Christ podcast, I had the opportunity to share some reflections on the role of trust in relationships, especially in the context of sex and pornography addiction. These struggles are more common than many realize. Research from the Barna Group shows that seventy-five percent of pastors are individually working with people in their church struggling around pornography. And sadly, many more suffer in silence, hidden by shame.

Even after a spouse or partner discovers the addiction, many addicts still hold back the full truth, often because they don’t want to add to their partner’s pain. But secrecy, even with the intent to protect, breaks trust. And when trust is broken, safety in the relationship vanishes.

Trust is that part of a relationship that you don’t think about or talk about until you don’t have it. And then you realize how interwoven into the fabric of a relationship it really is.

Restoring trust requires both healthy boundaries and gracious support. Boundaries exist to help the betrayed partner feel safe again, while the person in recovery must commit to full transparency. Healing happens in community, because we were designed by God to walk this journey together, not in isolation.

You can listen to Episodes 14 and 15 of the Recovery in Christ podcasts to hear more on this topic. They are available everywhere you listen to podcasts, or you can watch them on YouTube with these links: